No Bounds

No Bounds
she can feel him when he's not around
the absence confuses her
she can hear his voice in the stillness
the silence engulfs her
she can see his face in her 20/20
the emptiness mocks her
she misses him more now than she did then
his presence elates her
she thinks of him more than she will willingly admit

and she wonders where he is
if he's thinking of her
if he knows he's loved
if he appreciates the hell she puts herself through
to compromise with herself about how she feels about him

she pushes away his mental arms
she yells into the silence to get from 'round here
she fills her space with things she can see
to fight the present emptiness until she sees him again

but the reality is marred
scarred
by his actual self
worried
by his actual touch
changed
by his actual physicality

she sees him and knows
she can't be without him
she sees him and knows
his self is her drug

she sees him and she can look into a future
full of thoughts
dreams
ideas
wonders
full of wanting
needing
having
doing
but she is unfulfilled

because she doesn't see him
she can't match him with her vision future-ly
she can't place him in her space of love and life and happy people living
she doesn't know what he wants
she can't tell what he needs
she can't reconcile his words to her with what he means
when he says he loves her and can't be without her

because he constantly stays on the go
leaving her to desire more from him than he can't admit he can give
leaving her to bend to her own pain and absence and chilly hatred of her mind
for betraying her resolve
she wants to but she can't give up
she needs to but she can't turn away
she has to but she won't say what she knows he doesn't feel...
for her...
for him...
for life...
for them...

the absence confuses her
the silence engulfs her
the emptiness mocks her
she thinks of him more than she will willingly admit
to anyone who would listen
she thinks that love knows no bounds....
and without his boundaries....
she has no bounds
(c)2012 LaShanta Holloway