Dreaming Awake (A Haiku)

Dreaming Awake

Dreaming Awake

eyes closed daytime night
i see you there arms open
love takes over done

(c)2013

Turn Me On

Turn Me On

Flip me on like a light switch

call my name in the dark

Caress my ears with the whispers of your promises

to slow stroke me like a leisurely walk in the park

Turn me on

Take your time convincing me that this will never end

maneuver my curves carefully 

like a drive on a road with constant bends 

Turn me on 

Penetrate my body's spirit 

with the fire of your desire

melt my mind's defensive walls

as the hot embers from your lava falls

Turn me on

Bring me to the pinnacle

the top

the apex

Bring me to explosion 

with the mere thought of your sex

Turn me on

(c) 2013

No Title

I am not Jesus but I gave him my life
As he examined the gift
he began to proclaim
that my life
though vast and inviting
simply was not enough

I am not Jesus but I gave him my life
and the weight of the price I offered him
just wasn't quite healthy enough

I am not Jesus but I gave him my life
I drew him in and offered him solace
I implanted him into the seams of my life
like a chick gets a new bosom
and I asked for nothing in return
but his love and patience
I embraced him wholeheartedly
and in return
received
a receipt
expecting more

I am not Jesus but I gave him my life
but
he  wanted my soul

But not whole...
battered & broken
crushed & cursed
shattered & skewered

Alive, but not living

I am not Jesus, but I gave him my life
and he broke my soul
even if for a moment

And now...
He's gone

And life goes on.....
I am not Jesus, but I've risen again......
(c) 2013

No Bounds

No Bounds
she can feel him when he's not around
the absence confuses her
she can hear his voice in the stillness
the silence engulfs her
she can see his face in her 20/20
the emptiness mocks her
she misses him more now than she did then
his presence elates her
she thinks of him more than she will willingly admit

and she wonders where he is
if he's thinking of her
if he knows he's loved
if he appreciates the hell she puts herself through
to compromise with herself about how she feels about him

she pushes away his mental arms
she yells into the silence to get from 'round here
she fills her space with things she can see
to fight the present emptiness until she sees him again

but the reality is marred
scarred
by his actual self
worried
by his actual touch
changed
by his actual physicality

she sees him and knows
she can't be without him
she sees him and knows
his self is her drug

she sees him and she can look into a future
full of thoughts
dreams
ideas
wonders
full of wanting
needing
having
doing
but she is unfulfilled

because she doesn't see him
she can't match him with her vision future-ly
she can't place him in her space of love and life and happy people living
she doesn't know what he wants
she can't tell what he needs
she can't reconcile his words to her with what he means
when he says he loves her and can't be without her

because he constantly stays on the go
leaving her to desire more from him than he can't admit he can give
leaving her to bend to her own pain and absence and chilly hatred of her mind
for betraying her resolve
she wants to but she can't give up
she needs to but she can't turn away
she has to but she won't say what she knows he doesn't feel...
for her...
for him...
for life...
for them...

the absence confuses her
the silence engulfs her
the emptiness mocks her
she thinks of him more than she will willingly admit
to anyone who would listen
she thinks that love knows no bounds....
and without his boundaries....
she has no bounds
(c)2012 LaShanta Holloway

Just

JUST

Just
as I sit and think on
all things that could be
but are not
I just
shake my head
I just
twiddle my thumbs
I just
        DESIRE

Just
as I calm the raging fire
inside with quick self-gratification
I just
wonder about the strength I'm missing
I just
ache from the load I continue to carry
I just
        YEARN

Just
as I decide that moving on
is better than whatever is in store
I keep finding myself stuck
and my mind
Just
refuses to stop thinking
and I lean further into oncoming traffic
I just

        WANT

Just
when things seem to be able to get
no worse,
no harder,
but not easier
I just
slip back in the cracks
I just
can't snap out of the revere
I just
        LONG

I just
        CRY
I just
        THINK
I just
        LOVE
I just
        WHAT??
JUST
(c) La-Shanta Holloway 2012

Make Love

Make love to my mind
tell me things that I might find
hard to believe
things that are true nevertheless
Make love to my heart
bestow on my heart things you'd never give to another
let me make love to your mind
express my fears
my joys
my wonders
let me make love to your mind
expound on the things that make me 
want to love you for you
Let me make love to your heart
make promises on how you took me from the start
let me make love to your heart
assure you of my love and respect
for your inner being
make love to my soul
fill me with love and happiness 
no one will be able to replace
make love to my soul
take me places that only exist
between the two of us
allow me to make love to your soul
let me fill you with happiness and joy
you can touch and hold
let me make love to your soul
together our souls can mesh
together our souls can grow old
THEN 
make love to my body
do with it as you please
make love to my body
make me crave
yearn
burn 
for your pleasure
I'll make love to your body
if you let me
just tell me where
how
you want it
I'll be sure to do more than just please
La-Shanta Holloway(c)2005

Not What You Think

It's not that I'm quiet because I'm shy
Or that I don't talk because I have nothing to say.
If you are around me then what's going on is
I'm watching you,
Cuz I see you watching me.

I know that you think that
you've got me all figured out
with that quick glance of your hooded eyes...
but you misunderstand what it is you see
And while I don't know what it is that you think you see,
I am sure that I am not what you think me to be

It's not that I'm single because no one wants me
Or that I'm alone because no one cares
I can tell it's perplexing you to see me
smile so confidently
singly
in a room crowded with paired up lovers
I could correct you with a line of numbers
but, I can see you watching me
And already I know you don't like what you see

Though I should, I won't brag
Though I could, I won't boast
Even though I'm permitted, I will not alter your thoughts
of me
from what you see
But, I am pretty sure that I am not what you think me to be

My singleness does not compute into loneliness
nor me being on the prowl
I am not looking to take anything away from this crowd

I am very comfortable in my outer shell that you see
But you should see how I roll within my INNER me.

My head is held high because I'm confident in my walk
My smile is genuine because it makes it easier to talk
My back is straight
My words are sure
My step is clear

All I'm saying is go ahead and judge me...
I am confidently sure that I am not what you think me to be

I am a woman made from extraordinary trials & triumphs,
tribulations & happy-endings,
temptations & congratulations,
failures & successes,
downfalls & pitfalls,
struggles & cakewalks.....

No, it wasn't all easy, but that's how I KNOW
I am absolutely sure that I'm not what you think me to be.
(c) October 2011 ~ La-Shanta Holloway