I Still Rise

I STILL RISE
by: La-Shanta Holloway
(c) 2014

Life came calling on me
Before I even knew what life was
Time forced me to be a me
I didn't know.
And I learned that the caged bird wasn't just singing
To be free, but
Also for all the possibilities that might be
not for him
He knew his turn was over
But for friends, and friends of friends who still
Had a chance
I know why the caged bird sings
He sings for the chance for me to be me.

When Life came calling
I reached out, but no hand was there
My sister, my friend
My Kin
looked at me with detached eyes

We all have our lives to live
those colorful irises say,
A long road, A plagued journey
we each have to travel...alone
Surrounded by each other but so utterly one...
Though we are many, each of us is achingly, piercingly alone

I fell to the ground,
no one reached out to help
I learned I had to get up on my own
I take comfort in knowing, now, that
though I may fall & get down
Still I Rise

You've got to teach yourself
to be yourself
Wondrously
Graciously
Phenomenally
Teach yourself the lesson
to learn to love to live

Live the life that works best for you
and watch yourself grow
Learn to hold yourself dear
but reach for your friends
and love with your whole heart
and never be afraid of the truth

A Brave and Startling Truth
we are a going-on people
Even when we march alone

Life came early
calling on me
trying to break me
trying to teach me
trying to reach me

I gave life all I could
I give life all I can

I Still Rise
up from a past that's rooted in pain... I Rise

I'll fall again
Because life will call on me
And knock me down
But I'll Rise again because
Death is internal
And I choose to embrace it not

Because I've been Loved
Because I've given Love
And I have learned that
Love strikes away the chains of fear
And fearlessly, phenomenally,
I Still Rise

(In Honor of Dr. Maya Angelou...Rest In Peace)

Dear Love

 

Dear Love

Dear Love,
Last week I threw away your picture 
my heart was heavy, that's for sure
But, I tossed it in the trash 
like last week's garbage 
I almost went diving back in to pull it out
(there was still much room for doubt)
And I wanted to try and salvage your memory
but then in my mind's eye your face filled the view in front of me
So, I left the picture of your handsome face in the garbage bin
I know that your memory will fade, so I'm moving on to something else till then.

Dear Love,
Last month, I tried really hard not to hear the tenor in your voice
tried to forget how your laugh brought my heart so much joy
But the raspiness of your tone 
stayed in my head all month long
The deep resonating sound of your words bore into my brain
And like a popular song, I just wished it would rain
That way I'd heard instead 
the sound of thunder & raindrops pounding on my head

Dear Love, 
Last year, I finally lost the sensation of your arms wrapped around me tight
Of you snuggling close to me, keeping me safe through the night
It took me a while, my dear
but finally I forgot how I felt whenever your presence was so near

Dear Love, 
Time finally began moving again
as I slowly forgot how I had embedded you in my brain
My movements once again became precise and sure
As I came to grips with the fact that your arms would no more keep me secure
My life pushed the play button finally 
And the picture showing now is just what it should be

Me being me without needing . . . 
me being me without wanting . . .
me being me without yearning for . . .
me being me without desiring . . .
me being me without wishing for . . .
me being me without loving . .  

Dear Love . . .
(c) 1/2006

Dreaming Awake (A Haiku)

Dreaming Awake

Dreaming Awake

eyes closed daytime night
i see you there arms open
love takes over done

(c)2013

Turn Me On

Turn Me On

Flip me on like a light switch

call my name in the dark

Caress my ears with the whispers of your promises

to slow stroke me like a leisurely walk in the park

Turn me on

Take your time convincing me that this will never end

maneuver my curves carefully 

like a drive on a road with constant bends 

Turn me on 

Penetrate my body's spirit 

with the fire of your desire

melt my mind's defensive walls

as the hot embers from your lava falls

Turn me on

Bring me to the pinnacle

the top

the apex

Bring me to explosion 

with the mere thought of your sex

Turn me on

(c) 2013

No Title

I am not Jesus but I gave him my life
As he examined the gift
he began to proclaim
that my life
though vast and inviting
simply was not enough

I am not Jesus but I gave him my life
and the weight of the price I offered him
just wasn't quite healthy enough

I am not Jesus but I gave him my life
I drew him in and offered him solace
I implanted him into the seams of my life
like a chick gets a new bosom
and I asked for nothing in return
but his love and patience
I embraced him wholeheartedly
and in return
received
a receipt
expecting more

I am not Jesus but I gave him my life
but
he  wanted my soul

But not whole...
battered & broken
crushed & cursed
shattered & skewered

Alive, but not living

I am not Jesus, but I gave him my life
and he broke my soul
even if for a moment

And now...
He's gone

And life goes on.....
I am not Jesus, but I've risen again......
(c) 2013

No Bounds

No Bounds
she can feel him when he's not around
the absence confuses her
she can hear his voice in the stillness
the silence engulfs her
she can see his face in her 20/20
the emptiness mocks her
she misses him more now than she did then
his presence elates her
she thinks of him more than she will willingly admit

and she wonders where he is
if he's thinking of her
if he knows he's loved
if he appreciates the hell she puts herself through
to compromise with herself about how she feels about him

she pushes away his mental arms
she yells into the silence to get from 'round here
she fills her space with things she can see
to fight the present emptiness until she sees him again

but the reality is marred
scarred
by his actual self
worried
by his actual touch
changed
by his actual physicality

she sees him and knows
she can't be without him
she sees him and knows
his self is her drug

she sees him and she can look into a future
full of thoughts
dreams
ideas
wonders
full of wanting
needing
having
doing
but she is unfulfilled

because she doesn't see him
she can't match him with her vision future-ly
she can't place him in her space of love and life and happy people living
she doesn't know what he wants
she can't tell what he needs
she can't reconcile his words to her with what he means
when he says he loves her and can't be without her

because he constantly stays on the go
leaving her to desire more from him than he can't admit he can give
leaving her to bend to her own pain and absence and chilly hatred of her mind
for betraying her resolve
she wants to but she can't give up
she needs to but she can't turn away
she has to but she won't say what she knows he doesn't feel...
for her...
for him...
for life...
for them...

the absence confuses her
the silence engulfs her
the emptiness mocks her
she thinks of him more than she will willingly admit
to anyone who would listen
she thinks that love knows no bounds....
and without his boundaries....
she has no bounds
(c)2012 LaShanta Holloway

Just

JUST

Just
as I sit and think on
all things that could be
but are not
I just
shake my head
I just
twiddle my thumbs
I just
        DESIRE

Just
as I calm the raging fire
inside with quick self-gratification
I just
wonder about the strength I'm missing
I just
ache from the load I continue to carry
I just
        YEARN

Just
as I decide that moving on
is better than whatever is in store
I keep finding myself stuck
and my mind
Just
refuses to stop thinking
and I lean further into oncoming traffic
I just

        WANT

Just
when things seem to be able to get
no worse,
no harder,
but not easier
I just
slip back in the cracks
I just
can't snap out of the revere
I just
        LONG

I just
        CRY
I just
        THINK
I just
        LOVE
I just
        WHAT??
JUST
(c) La-Shanta Holloway 2012